A River Runs Through the TARDIS
by Dead Composer
Summary: River Song was far from sober the first time she saved the Doctor's life.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, but I _do_ own Doctor What, Doctor Why, and Doctor Wherefore.

* * *

It was the last minute of the last hour of the last day of the year 4999 A.D. Aspiring archeologist River Song, eager to rid her mind of disappointments and worries, had brought along on this night of nights a companion who would surely help her to accomplish just that.

A bottle of Jack Daniels.

"10…9…8…" chanted a crowd of revelers near the bottom of the hill where she lay, surrounded by dirt, crabgrass, and frost, feeling despondent when she felt at all. _If this millennium's anything like the last one, I hope I die right here and now_, she grumbled to herself.

A black cat, its movements fluid, its eyes reflecting the city lights, crept silently to the spot where the drunken student rested against a stone pillar. She could barely make out its silhouette with her faded eyesight. The obsidian critter stopped a few inches from her skirt, regarded her curiously, and asked in a calm male voice, "Are you in need of medical attention?"

The cat's query elicited a moan from River. "Go 'way," she muttered deliriously.

"Please answer _yes_ or _no_," said the unruffled feline.

_I hate it when animals talk back_, she thought. "I'm drunk," she managed to mumble. "You'd be drunk too, if you had nobody to kiss on New Year's Eve because your lousy rockpicker of a boyfriend made up his mind that he preferred to be gay."

* * *

In the apartment they shared on the 45th floor of the Zamerz Tower complex, River and her beau, Mustang Cloud, were watching the news on their eight-screen-deep 3DHDTV. "Scientists at the University of Boca Raton have initiated clinical studies of a drug they claim will temporarily reverse a person's sexual orientation," stated the highly detailed reporter.

River leaned over, her curly brown locks swinging over her shoulders, and kissed Mustang's cheek playfully. "You'll never take a drug like that, will you?" she said in a jovial tone.

He turned to her with a serious look. "River, I have a confession to make…"

* * *

The black cybercat, finding no meaningful input from River's story, raised its tail and sauntered away into the darkness. River, glad to see it gone, tilted the cold bottle in her hand until its neck pressed against her lips. _Even oblivion isn't oblivious enough_, she mused.

A mere hundred yards away, a frightened-looking stranger hurried through the brush in her direction. The man, kept warm only by a long brown jacket, suggested by his bloodshot eyes and unruly hair that he had enjoyed little opportunity to sleep. With each step he glanced to the left and to the right, as if suspecting that the foe on his trail was not alone.

"Doctor!" A harsh, determined voice cried out to him. "There's no escape. Now that I have your DNA signature, I can track you anywhere."

_Must keep moving_, the man with the red sneakers urged himself. _Can't let myself fall into their hands._

"Just give up, will you?" shouted the other man, the pursuer. "It's late, and we could both use some rest."

A tree root caught the Doctor by the tip of his shoe, causing him to nearly stumble. Righting himself, he forged on through the poplars. _If I can just find someone…a pair of young lovers, maybe…someone with a big, empty brain I can borrow…_

In his desperate haste, he nearly collided with the boulder against which River was filling herself with whiskey. Their eyes connected. She scarcely registered him as a humanoid life form, while he saw her as a means of deliverance.

"Well, well," said the Time Lord. "You're a bit sozzled, but you'll have to do."

* * *

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

The man, his scarlet shirt decked with brass buttons, his gun drawn, burst into the dimly lit clearing. Seeing the backside of the one he knew as the Doctor, he yelled, "Turn around! And no tricks this time!"

To his surprise, his quarry barely moved. "I said, _turn around_," he reiterated. "I have in my hand a .44 Magnum I borrowed from the 20th century, and I'll wing you if I have to."

The Doctor slowly, clumsily rotated on his heel. The moonlight dawned on his face, revealing an utterly vacant expression. His wandering pupils focused on nothing, and a stream of saliva flowed from the drooping corner of his mouth.

The armed man scowled incredulously. "Enough of your mockery," he spat, training his firearm at the Time Lord's nose.

"Enabaya moggery," mumbled the Doctor with a grin of idiotic amusement.

His enemy lunged at him with cautious agility, seizing his wrist and jamming the gun's barrel into his ribcage. As River, unnoticed by them, lay snoring in a drunken stupor, the two men were swept violently away by a quick-forming time portal.

* * *

Her next memory was of awaking under a cloudless, azure sky. Trees covered with lush, green pine needles surrounded her, and the only sound was the morning serenade of the wild birds. It was torture.

"Unnngh," she groaned, her hands groping blindly. Every chirp of every bird was like a whip cracking against her skull, forcing it to throb harder. _Schmidt_, she thought bitterly. _It's like giant robots are battling it out inside my head. My mum warned me there would be mornings like this one._

Raising her leaden arms with much effort, she took hold of the virtual reality helmet and pried it from her scalp. The pastoral setting gave way to the harsh, yet familiar, reality of her 45th-story apartment. It was as messy as she had left it, or messier, thanks to a puddle on the carpet of what looked like vomit. She straightened her legs, knocking over two textbooks and a half-empty pizza box in the process. _If my mates ask me who I kissed last night, I'll lie_, she resolved, her cranium rebelling painfully as she lifted it. _I'll say, 'New Year's Eve? I thought it was bloody Guy Fawkes Day!'_

Despite feeling like a zombie on depressants, River soldiered on through her daily routine. A dose of hot shower water helped to revive her befogged mind, but only to the point where she recognized how _lonely_ she was, bathing without the flawless body of Mustang Cloud before her eyes. Tears dribbled down her cheeks, and she put her face under the stream to wash them off.

Once her brown locks were dry, she bunched them together with a hairband, and scrutinized herself in the mirror as she applied foundation, eyeliner, and lipstick. A pretty doll with pronounced cheekbones stared back at her, the image of a woman she had _seen before…_

"What?" she blurted out unexpectedly.

Her heart pounded, spurred on by a sensation she couldn't describe or explain. For a brief instant she had _recognized_ her own face, as though she had seen it on another person, a long-departed friend, perhaps. _Pish-tosh_, she reassured herself. _It's the same old face as always. Bloody American whiskey…I'm goin' back to Johnny Walker._

Having no other plans for the holiday, she put on a loose-fitting mohair sweater, relaxed on the sofa, and trained her eyes on a book about the ruins of Old Camden Town. She sped through the first two chapters, at which point a chipper female voice distracted her: "You have received a message from…Julia…Hatfield. To listen to the message, say 'listen'. To ignore the message, say 'ignore'. To add…Julia…Hatfield…to your Friends list, say 'friend'. To throw a sheep at…Julia…Hatfield, say…"

"Listen," mumbled River. _What kind of a name is Julia Hatfield?_ she wondered.

"Hi, my name is Julia," uttered the holographic form of a young woman that materialized in her den. "I'm responding to your advertisement for a new flatmate."

* * *

Next chapter coming soon!


	3. Chapter 3

Julia's first sensation was overwhelming drowsiness. This was followed, in no time at all, by a stifling, panic-inducing sogginess. "H-help!" she exclaimed, her lungs expelling a strange, uncomfortably cold liquid.

A man's calm voice cut through the fear that gripped her: "Welcome to the world of tomorrow, Miss Hatfield."

She coughed uncontrollably for a number of seconds, then repeatedly blinked her eyes, which had inexplicably become sensitive to the room lights. "I thought you were gonna freeze me, not _drown_ me," she said sharply. "Who are you, anyway? What happened to the lady who was helping me?"

"She's long dead," uttered the voice.

Julia's stiff joints protested as she sat up, completely naked, in the pool of clear fluid. Realizing her situation, and noticing the bespectacled man that viewed her curiously from a purple leather chair, she let out a horrified scream.

"You're perfectly safe," the man assured her.

She took a closer look, or rather a gander, at the oddly dressed fellow. "Oh, you're _gay_," she said sheepishly. "Sorry about that."

"No, I'm not gay," said the stranger. "Since the 32nd century it's been fashionable for men to wear skirts."

"The 32nd…" said Julia, startled. "What year _is_ this?"

"This is the year 4999," he replied. "You asked to be revived in the year 5000, but we figured you'd want to be awake for the New Year celebration."

_4999_, she thought, a feeling of wonder drenching her mind. _The future. I'm in the bleedin' future!_ "Are you _serious?_ 4999? Are the networks _still_ covering Paris Hilton's funeral?"

The man shook his head. "Paris _who?_"

"Oh, thank God," said Julia with a sigh.

* * *

"No schmidt," said the astonished River to the comely blonde. "You're _really_ from the 21st century?"

"2011, to be exact," said Julia. "It was a time of great social inequity. Noam Chomsky and Paris Hilton both died that year. Guess who received all the media attention."

"You knew Noam Chomsky?" marveled River.

"Not personally, no," was Julia's reply.

River, seated on her legless anti-gravity chair, gawked in amazement at the visitor. "The 21st century was when everything changed," she recalled. "I went to an exhibit at the Museum of Natural History last year, and saw some incredible things that had been preserved—the digital video disc, a piece of the World Trade Center, something called a _twin key_…"

"A _what?_" said the befuddled Julia.

"A twin key," River repeated. "Nobody knows what its purpose was. Some experts believe it was used to wash automobiles, and others claim it was actually edible, and considered a delicacy."

"Oh, you mean a _Twinkie_," said Julia with a chuckle. "They were edible. Technically."

River smiled pleasantly. "What made you decide to freeze yourself?" she inquired.

"Well," Julia began, "I was about where you are in life, studying political science and economics at Essex. I was unusually clever, and before long it occurred to me that every human being, regardless of the conditions into which they're born, has equal dignity, and is entitled to an equal share of the planet's resources."

"You're a Conservative, then," said River. _Bloody Conservatives._

"Hardly," the blonde continued. "I wasn't Labour, either. To me, both parties were keeping to the same basic philosophy: 'From each according to his ability, to each according to his political connections.' It became clear to me that humanity hadn't evolved to the level of recognizing and rewarding human dignity, and likely wouldn't do so for several thousand years. So, when I learned that scientists at Cambridge were conducting experiments in cryogenic hibernation, I jumped at the opportunity."

"Must've been bloody dangerous back then," River mused. "I mean, someone presses the wrong button, and you're stuck as an icicle forever. Nowadays, nobody gives cryosleep a second thought. It's like takin' a holiday."

"I imagine so," said Julia. "My sister, on the other hand, was a total conspiracy nut, and believed that the Torchwood Institute had been freezing people ever since the early 1900's."

"I certainly am pleased to meet you, Miss Julia," said River. "And I'd be more than happy to take you on as a flatmate, except for one item."

"What's that?" Julia asked her.

"Your clothes," River answered. "Unless you need to hide out in the jungle for whatever reason, I suggest you go shopping with me."

* * *

More to come!


	4. Chapter 4

The cell in which the Doctor was being held was cold, featureless, and almost completely dark. The only furnishing was a toilet installed in one of the corners, but, judging from the smell, he hadn't surmised its use. The Time Lord spent his hours of confinement staggering back and forth, wiping his nose on his sleeve, tugging on his own hair, and giggling maniacally.

It was almost too much for his captor to bear. Opening the diamond-shaped door with a wave of his hand, he marched inside, still clad in his Napoleonic outfit. The Doctor froze upon seeing him, only to reach out and grab one of his buttons, twisting it until the thread nearly broke.

The stern-looking man swatted the playful hand away. "You've pushed me to the limit of my patience and beyond, Doctor," he said, his tone cool. "I'm going to hurt you now, and I won't hold back a thing, because I know you can regenerate."

The Doctor remained slack-jawed and heedless, up until the instant the man's knuckles, and the heavy rings thereon, slammed into his chin. The force of the punch sent him tumbling across the entire breadth of the cell. He remained still and crumpled on the floor for a moment, stared up at his tormentor, and made a pathetic whining sound. The dark-haired man, his face an unexpressive stone, gave the Time Lord a forceful kick in the abdomen with the sharp point of his boot.

"_Captain Hart!_"

Only a few voices had the power to chill his blood, and this was one of them. He turned dutifully, leaving the Doctor to writhe in pain. A pair of eyes, filled with deadly indignation, peered at him through the grated wall.

"Is there a problem, sir?" he said meekly.

The man outside the cell inhaled angrily. "I gave you a strict order that the Doctor was not to be harmed in any way," he growled.

"I'm sorry, sir," said Hart, looking at his feet. "I'll stop at once."

"Not good enough, John," said the other man. "You're confined to quarters until further notice."

The entrance to the cell slid open again. Captain John Hart, not daring to raise his eyes to the level of his commanding officer's, shuffled along the corridor that led away from the prison block.

"Once I've extracted the information I want," his superior called after him, "then you and the rest of the team can take him on, one by one. We'll see what kind of fighter the Doctor is."

* * *

As she voyaged through the network of underground tunnels far below New London, Julia was lectured by River on the many new inventions that had come into being since the 21st century, not the least important of which was the inertial damper. "It's what lets us ride the Tube at 240 kilometers per hour without feeling like we're going anywhere," the brown-haired girl explained.

"Say what you want about it," said Julia queasily. "I _still _feel sick."

Clinging to an overhead bar for dear life, she sensed a familiar, yet far from expected, rubbing motion against her bare ankle. As she looked down, a Persian cat with dense white fur looked up at her with one eye green and one blue.

"Er, hullo there, kitty-cat," she said gently.

"Please take me home with you," said the feline with a poignant little girl's voice. "I promise I'll be ever so clean."

Julia's mouth sprang open. "The…the…cat…it…it…" she stammered.

"It's just a stray cybercat," River told her. "They're all over the city. They have no homes, and no one has the heart to shut them off."

_Talking cats_, thought Julia, leaning over and stretching out a hand. _Makes perfect sense, I suppose_. "What a pretty kitty," she gushed, stroking the animal's bristly fur.

"Mmmm," said the purring robot. "You're good with your hands, you are."

_Lucky cat_, thought River as she gazed forward through the crowd. _All it takes is a bit o' the old necking and petting to satisfy you. If only I were a cat…then I could tell all the two-timing rockpickers to go to…_

"River."

It shocked her—a male voice as normal as any other, yet thoroughly audible, as if the din of the fast-moving train had no power to drown it out. "Huh?" she said involuntarily. "Who said that?"

"River. I'm the Doctor, and I need your help."

She turned to Julia, puzzlement on her face. "Did you hear that?"

"I hear all _sorts_ of weird noises," the blonde replied.

_Where's it coming from?_ River wondered. _It can't be a passenger. It can't be the tannoy._

"I'm inside of you, River. You don't know me yet, but someday we'll be best mates."

_It must be telepathy_, she concluded. Attempting to engage the mysterious voice in conversation, she thought, _Who are you?_

_I'm the Doctor_, was the response.

_Doctor? Doctor who?_

_Very funny. Ask Julia, she's probably heard of me._

By this point Julia was gawking at her as if she had grown a turnip in place of her nose. "Ever hear of a person called the Doctor?" she asked her friend.

* * *

To be continued


	5. Chapter 5

The wonders of the Piccadilly Mall hit Julia's brain like a psychedelic sledgehammer. Six levels high, it featured animated 3-D displays over every storefront, strange flying creatures, _children_ riding strange flying creatures, and a bewildering mix of smells. "It's unbelievable," said the 21st-century girl. "I could stay here until I die."

"It was a great place to shop, before most of the anchor stores moved out," remarked River.

"Everything looks so expensive," said Julia, glancing into a cyberpet shop. "The cryolab gave me a living allowance of 450,000 yuros, which is equivalent to I-don't-know-how-many pounds. How much can I afford with that?"

River shrugged. "Three midrange dresses, maybe, or an antigrav scooter."

Her friend stopped at a clothing display, gaping at the exquisitely decorated mannequins. "Those _can't_ be real diamonds," she said incredulously.

"They _are_ real diamonds," River told her. "In the 43rd century, scientists invented a high-pressure whatchamazinger that made diamonds out of coal. Totally robbed the stones of their mystique, but at least Africa's a more peaceful place now."

Julia's expression turned sheepish. "All this finery…it's not for me. It's too extravagant, too gaudy. I think I'll stick with what I have on."

"That's your privilege," said River. "You should know, though, that what you have on is made from recycled rice paper."

Minutes later, Julia was fondly pressing a slender pink gown against her bosom. "It's fabulous," she commented. "Where are the dressing rooms?"

"I don't know what a _dressing room_ is," was River's reply, "but if you're wanting to see how you'd look in it, I suggest you try the holographic imager."

She demonstrated to Julia the operation of the imager, which projected a tangible reproduction of the dress around the girl's body. "Incredible," she marveled, admiring her newly pink appearance. "I don't know how we got by without gadgets like this one."

As she watched her friend frolic among the clothes horses, River again heard the voice as it spoke to her with perfect clarity. "Seriously, I don't have time for this frivolity. If I don't find my own body soon, I'll be trapped in yours forever, and then you'll never be rid of me."

_I must be losing my mind_, thought River. From her tiger-striped handbag she pulled a tiny black box with a rectangular view screen. "Universipedia," she uttered softly into the device. "Information on the Doctor, a historical figure of the 21st century."

"I say you're wasting your time," said Julia, fishing through her pockets for the credit card she had received at the cryogenic lab. "The Doctor's nothing but an urban myth. One man, alone, _can't_ do all those amazing things."

"Doctor, Doctor, Doctor," muttered River to herself as lines of text scrolled by on her electronic box. "Look under: Brigadier General Lethbridge-Stewart, Captain Jack Harkness, Martha Jones, Harold Saxon, Sarah Jane Smith…"

"Stop chasing wild geese," Julia chided her.

River stared at the display with saucer-shaped eyes. "There's something _familiar_ about all these names," she said softly. "They're all connected to this one man…only he's not _one_ man, but _many_ men. And there's an object…a tall, blue booth with a light on top…"

"Yes," the voice said urgently. "I placed the image in your mind. It's the TARDIS, and it's waiting for you. Did I mention it travels in time?"

"Time travel?" River exclaimed out loud. "That's bollocks."

"Who are you _talking_ to?" said Julia solicitously. "Do you have a microscopic cell phone in your ear, or what?"

River's hazel eyes brimmed with anxiety and tears. "I've gone mad," she said in a quivering voice. "Voices in my head…memories I shouldn't have…"

"What's wrong?" asked Julia, seizing her friend's bare shoulders.

"You _must_ help me," insisted the Doctor inside River's mind. "The universe may be at stake."

"Leave me _alone!_" cried the distraught young woman.

"Bloody hell," muttered Julia, suppressing her panic. "She needs help. Somebody call 999!"

The shop clerk, a tall, muscular man wearing a frilly red skirt, shot her an empty stare.

"You know, 999," said Julia impatiently. "The emergency number. She needs a doctor!"

"_I'm_ a doctor," she suddenly heard River say.

She turned to look at the brunette, and was instantly startled. River's face now radiated confidence and wisdom, although her curved lips indicated that she might burst into laughter at any moment.

"Er, are you all right?" asked Julia.

River tipped her head slowly, taking in the details of her body and attire. "Hmm, I've never been female before," she said in an accent foreign to her previous pattern of speech. "I wonder what I look like under all these layers of fabric."

* * *

To be continued


	6. Chapter 6

River extended her hand to the confused blonde. "Allow me to introduce myself," she said, sounding unusually refined. "I'm the Doctor, and I'll be occupying this body for the next hour or so."

Julia shrank back. "Oh my God," she said as her careless elbow knocked over a shoe display. "You've…you've got multiple personality disorder."

"Multiple?" River shook her head condescendingly. "No, only two."

As Julia's eyes darted about, searching for the most convenient route to flee in terror, River bounded forward and seized her by the wrist, nearly stumbling over her own bright red pumps while doing so. "You've _got_ to help me, Julia," she urged. "My life, and River's life, depend on it. We only have an hour."

"Wh-what happens in an hour?" said Julia, her voice wracked with fear.

"In an hour, River's mind will start to break down under the strain of hosting a Time Lord consciousness," replied the Doctor/River. "Within another hour, she'll…_I'll_ be dead."

Julia, gritting her teeth, put on a resolute smile. "You're crazy," she remarked, "but even so, I can't wait to see where this takes us."

"_Molto bene_," said River elatedly. After yanking the high-heeled shoes from her feet, she hastened away with Julia in tow, her feet covered only by nylon stockings. "What's the quickest way to get to Hyde Park from here?" she asked her companion as they rushed past a pretzel stand manned by a platinum-hued robot.

"Buggered if _I_ know," said Julia, who, despite the trainers on her feet, found it hard to keep up with River. "Don't you have, like, teleport machines in this century?"

"Ah-_ha_," said the Doctor/River without breaking her stride. "Thanks to River's memories, I now know that the West End Express station is located at the mall's north exit, directly across from the Spacy's department store."

"What are we going to Hyde Park for?" Julia asked her.

"I left the TARDIS there," was River's response.

They ran swiftly through the crowds of shoppers, Julia catching fleeting glimpses of store windows with intriguing products—animatronic feather boas, zero-calorie desserts, _Pop Idol_ voice modifiers. River didn't stop until she arrived at a packed platform, where numerous New Londoners held on to bags and boxes, waiting for the next hoverbus to descend.

After taking a second to catch her breath, she turned to Julia and asked, "Do they _always_ jiggle when you run?"

"I _wish_ mine would," said Julia, a bit dolefully.

The West End Express was an enormous flying vehicle, resembling more than anything else a stingray with truncated fins. Once it had come to a halt mere inches above the tarmac, the boarding ramp shot out, hitting the ground with a mighty _clank_. The two young ladies were among the last to enter, and discovered that all the seats had been occupied. "Oh, bugger," said Julia, jostled from every side by the other passengers. "We'll have to stand, I suppose."

River found a support beam and gripped it tightly, as if fearing a flood would wash her away. A tall, svelte man stood in front of her, blocking her view with the hollow of his back. "You know, Julia," she said to her friend, "I've never noticed until now how utterly, exquisitely sensual the male form is."

Julia only shrugged, and the hoverbus rocketed into the sky with only a slight lurch, thanks to its inertial dampers. The sight of New London from above, or the part of it she could see through the passengers that obscured the windows, thrilled her with its grandeur. Many of the old structures had been preserved—St. Paul's Cathedral, Buckingham Palace, the London Eye—but for the most part, the reconstructed city was unrecognizably modern. _It's hard to imagine anyone being poor in a place like this_, she thought. _Could this be the utopia I've always wished for?_

"Do you have any skill at acting, Julia?" River inquired of her.

"Huh?" said the blonde, snapping out of her reverie. "Acting? Er, yes, of course. I played Desdemona on the west end once. The west end of Derbyshire, that is."

"Perfect," said River. "I've got a little acting job for you. I want you to imitate my manner of speaking. I want you to be _me_."

"What…?" said Julia, taken aback.

"You're the only one who can pull it off," River went on. "Nobody else in this century has ever heard an accent like mine."

"I'll give it a try," Julia offered. After clearing her throat and scrunching up her nose, she uttered, "_Molto bene!_ I am the Doctor, and this is my first day as a woman, so forgive me if my walk is a bit off."

"Brava, brava!" said River, her elbow wrapped around the beam as she applauded. "That was pitch perfect. Now here are a few words I'd like you to practice: Time Lord, Gallifrey, TARDIS, Medusa Cascade…"

* * *

More soon!


	7. Chapter 7

In the hubbub that was 51st century Hyde Park, an ancient police box garnered attention from only the most curious. A few passers-by were commenting on how aesthetically displeasing the object was, when River and Julia approached, their steps rapid. "Remember, ladies and gentlemen," said River authoritatively, "you can look as much as you want, but the slightest touch can ruin the finish, so _hands off_."

"Uh, yes, ma'am," said a small boy, backing away respectfully.

The Doctor/River succeeded in opening the TARDIS door with a mere snap of her fingers. Julia followed her inside and, upon discovering the vast control chamber within the much smaller booth, mentally chalked it up to futuristic technology.

"We've only a few minutes left," said River as she rotated some of the levers on the console. "Make sure you know your part well, because the man you're about to meet is very cunning, and very dangerous. He was once a friend of mine, but our relationship soured over the years."

"Really?" said Julia, marveling at one of the flying buttresses. "What happened?"

"I'll tell you later," said River. She pressed a button with one of her painted fingertips, and the doors flew closed.

Julia watched the glass column in the center of the console as it pumped, emitting a strange grinding noise. "We're, uh, going somewhere, right?" she wondered. "The future, or the past? 'Cause I've already been to the past."

"So many questions," said River, her expression one of fondness. "For now, just concentrate on being the best _me_ you can possibly be."

Many kilometers away, aboard another time vessel, the Doctor's body was fastened helplessly to a stone table, his suit and jacket replaced by a sad-looking robe. Wires attached to his temples led into a small computer terminal, at whose keyboard sat a fresh-faced, short-haired man who appeared to be in the prime of his youth and health. He regarded his prisoner with an angry, determined frown.

"I don't know how you're doing this, Doctor," he grumbled. "You've managed to suppress your brain activity to the point that it barely registers on the encephalograph. But, as you well know, I have all the time in the universe to figure it out."

The Doctor didn't respond. His tongue drooped over the left corner of his mouth. His captor pushed one of the data entry buttons, and the electrodes on his head crackled to life. The metal walls of the laboratory reverberated with his screams of agony.

The torturer leaned backwards in his chair as the treatment continued. Five minutes went by. Concerned that the Doctor might not survive the shock much longer, he hit another button to cancel the procedure. "I'm astonished at your stamina, Doctor," he said, watching as tears gushed down the sides of the Time Lord's drawn face.

Something happened then—something he hadn't expected. A blue police box faded into existence, not three meters from where he sat. "What the _hell?_" he blurted out, reaching for the shotgun on his belt as he jumped up.

It was unmistakably the TARDIS. He looked back and forth, certain that his captive was secure, yet certain that his captive's time ship was there as well. "I should've guessed that one of your girlfriends would try to rescue you," he snapped at the Doctor.

"Gahnahnahgahnah," babbled the man on the table.

He waited motionlessly, gun drawn, until the double doors opened. Two girls emerged, a somewhat skinny blonde wearing trainers, and a shapely brunette with high cheekbones. They turned their gazes to him, the blonde smirking confidently, the brunette cowering behind her back.

"Don't move!" he ordered, waving his firearm.

"You've got the wrong man, Jack," said Julia, casting a sideways glance at the bound Doctor. "You should be looking for a _woman_."

"Who are you?" demanded the man, murder written on his countenance.

"Oh, don't mind me," said Julia in a sophisticated tone. "I'm not the Doctor. I'm only a receptacle for his essence."

"I'm frightened, Julia," said River, trembling. "He's pointing a gun at us. I think he means to kill us!"

"His _essence?_" said the bewildered Jack. As he glowered at his torture subject, his face lit up with realization. "So…the Doctor's not even in there. He's in _you_. But how?"

"It's an old Gallifreyan trick," said Julia proudly. "I transferred my consciousness into _this_ body, leaving Captain Hart with a brainless husk of a prisoner. It's no use trying to interrogate someone who lacks the capacity to even form words."

Jack, having heard everything he needed to hear, lunged at River with catlike speed. Before Julia could tell what was happening, Jack's arm was around River's throat, and the point of his gun behind her ear. The brown-haired girl let out a horrified scream.

"Leave her alone!" Julia pleaded.

"I know you, Doctor," said Jack, as River squirmed uselessly against his grasp. "I know you'll do anything before you'll sacrifice the life of one of your companions."

"Let's talk about this," said Julia, creeping forward. "Don't do anything rash."

Jack sniffed the air and grimaced. River, in order to make her impersonation of a panicked hostage more convincing, had urinated in her panties.

"Just tell me what you want, Jack," said Julia.

"You _know_ what I want," the man snarled. "I want to _die!_" With these words, he shoved the gun against River's head so forcefully that it threatened to penetrate her skull.

"Okay," said Julia, raising her palms. "I'll kill you, if you insist. Just let me return the Doctor's essence to his body."

"Move!" yelled Jack, gesturing with his head at the table of torture.

Slowly and deliberately, Julia made her way to the side of the Doctor's body.

The moment she touched the stone, River twisted her head and torso around, causing Jack to lose his balance. She then channeled all her strength into a backwards arm thrust, the tip of her elbow catching and shattering one of his ribs. His arm slipping from her neck, she rotated deftly on her shoeless toes, seizing his gun with one hand while sending a fist upwards into his jaw. A few rapid reverse steps took her safely away from the crumpling man, giving her a chance to take aim with the weapon and fire a round at him.

Julia screamed, not believing what she saw. River pulled the trigger three more times, and every shot found Jack's chest, puncturing it like an overripe watermelon. He glared viciously at her with his last ounce of life, dropped to the floor, and lay still.

"Omigod, you killed him!" shrieked Julia, fists clenched. "You killed him! _You killed him!_"

"I rather doubt it," said River flatly. Tossing the gun aside, she skipped over to the table where the Doctor lay.

Julia, her eyes gushing frantic tears, towered over Jack's bloodied corpse. As River and the Doctor clutched hands behind her, she obsessively muttered, "Omigod…omigod…"

A spirited male voice sounded, prompting her to look over her shoulder. "Hallelujah! I feel like a new man! How I've missed you, my flat, manly chest!"

Julia quivered at the sight of the man in the robe and his ecstatic, toothy grin. "You…you're _him_," she stammered. "You're…"

"The Doctor," he stated. Seeing that Jack was rising up out of his pool of blood, he lashed out with a bare foot, striking the man's chin and rendering him unconscious. "Into the TARDIS, _now!_" he instructed Julia.

The blonde obeyed, too confused and frightened to question the Time Lord. He followed closely after, pausing only to grab the hand of the stunned, mute River and drag her along. After the doors had sealed the trio inside the blue booth, it promptly uttered its customary roar and vanished.

Jack, shaking his head vigorously to drive out the grogginess, caught a glimpse of the TARDIS' shadow as it melted away. He stumbled onto his feet, rage gnawing at every fiber of his body. "Doctor!" he screamed at the empty air. "DOOOOCTOOOORRR!!"

* * *

To be continued


	8. Chapter 8

Though the TARDIS interior showed no evidence of it, the Doctor and the two girls in his company had a distinct feeling that they were moving at an unearthly speed. "At this rate, we'll be halfway across the galaxy before he can even rev up his engines," said the Time Lord cockily. "It's not time to rest on our laurels yet, though. If you ladies will excuse me, I'm going to change out of this dreadful robe."

He wandered, still barefoot, into a corridor that led to the bowels of the ship. Julia, seeing the mask of gaping shock that was River's face, snapped her fingers a few times in front of her friend's nose. "Earth to River," she said jokingly, but earnestly. "River, come in."

The speechless woman shifted her pupils a bit, then closed her mouth slowly. "Time War," she muttered, her lips hardly moving. "Daleks. Medusa Cascade. Time War. All dead…"

"_Who's_ dead?" said Julia, gesturing for her to continue speaking.

River shook her head insistently. "I wasn't there," she told Julia and herself. "I wasn't, but I can remember it as if I _was_. I've got too much of _him_ inside of me."

The TARDIS column rose and fell, oblivious to their exchange, as Julia lovingly clasped her companion's fingers. "Tell me everything," she urged. "What was it like for you?"

River's cheeks became wet. "I saw him as a boy," she related. "I saw him as he fled his own people. And then I saw him die…and return to life…"

"Just like that other man," Julia realized. "The one he called Jack. You suppose they're from the same planet?"

"Julia," said River, a forceful purpose behind her voice. "I've got to go home. Tell the Doctor to take me home. If I stay, I'll lose myself in his world."

He burst unexpectedly into the control room, wearing yet another brown-jacket-striped-tie-red-sneakers combination. "Who wants jelly babies?" he called out, a small paper bag in each hand. "They're on the house!"

"God, I _love_ jelly babies," said Julia with glee. "You must've read my mind."

River stood still, bracing herself against the console with one hip, while her fair-haired friend stuffed her mouth with candy. "I'm curious, Doctor," said Julia between bites. "Just who _is_ this Jack fellow, and what happened between you to make you such bitter enemies?"

The Doctor stuffed the bags into his deep pockets, and put on a serious face. "Captain Jack Harkness is a freak of the space-time continuum," he told Julia. "He can't die. _Period_. No matter what he may do to himself, the universe will always bring him back, as good as new."

"That's amazing," said Julia, her eyes wide. "If I were in his shoes, I'd be grateful."

"And he _was_ grateful," the Doctor continued, "for about twelve thousand years, and then the novelty wore off. He had done everything. _Learned_ everything. He finally concluded that every remaining day of his life would be the same as every other, and the only way out was death. He blew himself to bits with a nuclear warhead, but the bits simply reassembled themselves. He built a fusion reactor to simulate the heart of a sun, but even _that_ didn't finish him. After he had driven himself half insane with his ever more sophisticated suicide attempts, he constructed a time ship, hired a crew of mercenaries, and started chasing after _me_, convinced that my mind held the key to his destruction."

So enthralled was Julia by the story that she failed to notice the drool escaping from her half-open mouth. "And he's been hunting you through time ever since," she marveled. "So why not give him what he wants? You _know_ how to kill him, right?"

The Doctor nodded glibly. "Killing Jack Harkness? Simple. Killing him without wiping out two-thirds of the universe? Not so much."

* * *

After following the scenic route around the Horsehead Nebula, the TARDIS came to a stop at the Zamerz Towers, in the middle of River's living room. The Doctor, anxious to be on his way, escorted the two ladies out of the booth and into familiar territory.

"It was a pleasure traveling with you," he said to River and Julia. "I advise you both to keep low profiles. Now that Jack's seen your faces, he may come after _you_ as a way of getting to _me_."

"Omigod," said Julia, casting a worried glance at her flatmate. "He's right. We _are_ in danger. A man like that, who can't be killed, who travels in time…he's just like the Terminator, only intelligible."

River, equally concerned, shot out her hand to grab the Doctor's tie. "Don't leave yet," she ordered. "I've got to ask you about something else I saw in your mind. You've met me before, haven't you?"

The Doctor's response was a wordless, patronizing grin.

"It's my _future_," said River accusingly. "_My_ future, and you blocked me from seeing it. What happens? Does Jack kill me? Does a cave fall in on me?"

His expression turned dark. "Spoilers," was all he would say to her.

"River," Julia chimed in, "if it's all the same to you, and if it's okay with the Doctor, I'd like to tag along with him for a while, maybe see a little bit of the universe."

"_I_ have no objection," said the Time Lord.

River smiled affectionately. "Go on, then. But if you're not back in a month to pay your share of the rent, you're dead."

The Doctor politely extended his elbow, interlocking it with Julia's. Of River he inquired, "I'll see you again, won't I? I mean, _soon_, not when you're old and feeble."

"You can bet your life on it, pretty boy," said River with a smirk.

The TARDIS dematerialized, leaving her alone amidst the stacks of papers and boxes of stale pizza. _Maybe I should've gone with him_, she mused, _but it was already getting hard to tell where I ended and he began. Perhaps, after I've sorted things out in my head, I'll get another chance. Spring break isn't far away…_

* * *

THE END (or not…)


End file.
